I Wish I Could Take the Pain Away
by DancingInTheRain-1313
Summary: Sodapop is sick. He hasn't been the same since Ponyboy ran away. When he's diagnosed with cancer, it was as if the fireworks in his eyes had dimmed to a dull glow. His friends aren't sure if he'll survive - they can only hope and pray that he will beat it. This story deals with how the whole gang copes with Soda's illness.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi there :) this is sort of AU. Just a quick catch-up: Johnny and Dally are alive, and everything happened the same (Johnny killing Bob, Windrixville, etc) up until the church fire, which never happened. They came home uninjured. Please read & review!**

**SODA'S POV**

_Sodapop, you have cancer._**  
**

When those four words came out of the doctor's mouth, I froze. Darry's steely eyes turn rock hard, trying to hide his emotions as his back stiffened. Ponyboy bit back a sob as his eyes filled with tears. I just sat there, shocked, staring into nothingness.

Everything Dr. Jaymes said after that was just a jumble of meaningless words. I hardly could concentrate as he kept speaking. _Lymphoma, chemo, I'm so sorry. _I could pick those words out through all the madness.

I was silent as Darry took charge as guardian. He asked, "How bad is it?" and, "Will our insurance cover this?" along with many other questions. I paid no attention, as those four words still occupied my mind.

_Sodapop, you have cancer._

**FLASHBACK, DARRY'S POV**

Everyone just brushed off the fact that Soda was acting strange. They assumed that the whole ordeal with Pony and Johnny running away just had him in a daze. I thought so, too. For the past couple of weeks, he had looked tired and in pain. He figured that his breakup with Sandy had him down in the dumps. But I thought there was something else going on, too.

Sodapop is the epitome of a happy-go-lucky kid. If you looked up "charming" in the dictionary, Soda's picture would be under it. He would step into a room, and it would be almost as if someone had finally turned the lights on. You couldn't help but crack a grin when he opened his big mouth. That is, up until the incident.

That night was a whirlwind. After Pony and I fought and he left, Soda and I were worried out of our minds. When he didn't come back the next morning, we were scared. We had no idea that Johnny had killed that Soc. But we knew something bad had happened. Why else would Ponyboy be gone for almost a week?

Soda was beside himself for those several days. Every night, I could hear him sobbing in his bed. It was so strange. Soda hardly ever cried, not since mom and dad died. I would go into his room, wrapping my arms around him and telling him that Pony would come home.

He hardly smiled, not even when Two-Bit would crack a joke. He just would sit on the couch, staring at the wall, his chocolate brown eyes filled with pain. I had no idea what to do except wait.

When Ponyboy, Johnny, and Dally came home, Soda was somewhat better. He was happy and full of light again, but there was still something off. He was laughing and grinning, but he had no energy. I also noticed that he had a lump on his neck. He just brushed it off, saying that it must have been from the rumble. When he got the letter from Sandy, some of his spark went out. He was still smiling, but he wasn't the same.

Ponyboy noticed, too. He came to me one morning, saying, "Soda's burning up. He was sweating all night, even though it's freezing in our room. Is he sick? He doesn't look so tuff. He won't get out of bed."

That fever didn't go away, and when he passed out during dinner, I knew I had to take him to the doctor.

They ran a few tests, took some blood, and then took some more. Did they normally take that much? It seemed like we were in there for hours. Soda couldn't sit still as we waited. He fidgeted in his seat, trying to keep up the conversation.

"So, this place is out of it. Can't they try and make it a little less doom-and-gloom?" He said, forcing a smile.

"Hopefully we'll be outta here soon, little buddy." I responded, glancing over at Ponyboy. He was in his own little world, his head in the clouds. When was that boy gonna get some sense knocked into him? I mentally smacked myself. That was probably why we didn't get along sometimes. I needed to be less tough on him.

The nurse came back and told us that we needed to run more tests._ Okay,_ I thought, _maybe this was normal._ She brought us into a room and they performed a spinal tap. It was one of the scariest things i've ever seen, and it was happening to my little brother. I don't know how he could stand laying there while they stuck a huge needle in his back, but he was a trooper, and he gritted his teeth and got through it. They made him lay down for a long time, and then they took more blood.

Well, after what seemed like an eternity, the nurse came in and led us into an official-looking office that said Dr. Jaymes, MD, Oncology. I'd heard of oncology before, but I forgot what it meant. We all sat down as a tall, dark-haired man entered down with a grim expression. He introduced himself as Dr. Jaymes. We shook hands, and he got right down to business.

"So, Sodapop," He said, pausing as if he read his name right, "It says here that you haven't been feeling so good." Soda nodded. Dr. Jaymes continued, "We took some tests, and I have some bad news."

_Oh boy,_ I thought.

**SODA'S POV**

Shock. Fear. Pain. Shock. These were the things I felt as Dr. Jaymes spoke, plus a million other emotions. My head quit spinning after a few moments, and I could finally listen to what he had to say.

He said that I had a type of lymphoma called Hodgkin's Lymphoma, which affected my lymph nodes. I didn't know what those were until he explained that they were a part of my immune system. That was why I had a lump - it was a swollen lymph node.

Here was the plan: I was gonna have chemotherapy in a few days. We'd get financial aid to pay for it, and Darry relaxed a little at that. I'd have to stay in the hospital for a little while after that, so I could recuperate. This cycle would happen a few times over the next couple of months. He said that hopefully this would kill all the cancer cells, and it should, but if it didn't, then we would have to take more drastic measures, like a bone marrow transplant.

He explained all the side effects of the chemo - tiredness, nausea and vomiting, mouth sores, anemia, and hair loss. I closed my eyes and groaned. Hair loss? That was probably one of the worst side effects. Call me vain, but I loved my hair. It made me a greaser. Ponyboy grimaced and put his hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

Dr. Jaymes and Darry spoke about all the little details, while I got a little tired. My back hurt worse than after a rumble, and I just wanted to lay down and never get up. I leaned my head on Pony's shoulder, and dozed off. The last thing I heard was Dr. Jaymes' deep voice, saying, "Poor kid. He needs all the rest he can get. It's gonna be a tough journey, but I have hope for him."

...

When I woke up, I was laying in my and Pony's bed, and I wondered, _how'd I get here?_ Then I remembered everything at the hospital, and I groaned. Wonderful.

Ponyboy sat up suddenly, his eyes wide with worry. "Soda, you okay?" He looked at me like I was some frail little kid who needed taking care of.

"I'm fine. Just swell." I said, smiling as I sat up. Ow. My head was killing me.

Pony relaxed a bit, his back slouching and his eyes softening. "You need anything, I'm here." He felt my head. "Fever's down. Those meds they gave you musta worked real well." He smiled.

"When did we come home?" I asked.

"Probably around eleven o'clock last night. You fell asleep on me a while before that, and Darry and the doctor talked for a long time. I fell asleep too." He grinned. "You walked from the building to the car, but when we got home, you were out cold and wouldn't budge. Darry felt bad and didn't want to wake you, so he picked you up and carried you inside. Man, he _is_ real strong. Those ginormous muscles come in handy. You musta weighed a thousand pounds by the way he groaned!" He laughed.

"Wow, Superman had trouble lifting his kid brother? I don't blame him. These huge muscles must weigh a ton." I flexed my muscles, well, attempted to. Pony looked sad when I didn't have the strength to do it.

"We got any cake?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Even though I didn't have much of an appetite the past few weeks, I hadn't eaten since the morning before.

"Mhm. Want me to bring you some?" He asked, hopping outta bed.

"Nah, I can go get a piece. Besides, I gotta go to work." I said, groaning as I stood up. Man, my muscles were _sore_.

Pony looked at me pitifully, shaking his head. "I dunno about that," he mumbled as he left the room.

_What's he talkin' about? _I wondered. As I walked into the kitchen, Darry gave me a bear hug and looked me in the eye. Shoot, his eyes are like liquid ice. If I didn't know him, he'd be awful scary.

"How are ya feelin', little buddy?" He asked softly.

"Fine. Those pills really worked, my fever's gone." I smiled.

"That's good. You still look pale, though." He responded. Boy, he sounded like mom. _Mom._ A pang of sorrow hit my chest as I longed to be with her. She would know how to make it better. She always did.

"I'm okay." I said, brushing him off. "You seen my DX shirt?" I asked, cutting myself a slice of immaculate chocolate cake. Darry looked at me, surprised. "What?" I asked.

"Uh, Sodapop, I don't think you're gonna be able to work for a while. I called your boss and told him everything. He said he knows you can beat this, and you can start working when you're feelin' better. I'm sorry, Soda." He said apologetically.

My eyes widened. "What? Darry, I gotta work! How are we gonna pay the bills? I have to -"

Darry cut me off. "It's okay. We'll make it work. I got a promotion a few days ago, so that'll help."

I still wasn't settled. "Dar, what if that isn't enough?"

Pony piped up, "I can get a job somewhere. I'm fourteen, and it's about time I start pulling my weight around here, anyway."

Darry smiled with pride at his baby brother. "I don't think we'll need it, but thanks. The best thing you can do is care for Soda. I won't be here most days, and I'll take off as much as I can, but when I'm not home, it's your job to make sure he's comfortable."

Ponyboy straightened up and puffed out his chest, trying to look real macho and tuff. Darry rarely treated him like an adult, so this was Pony's moment of glory "I won't let you down." he said.

I couldn't help but grin at my kid brother. "Pony, I'm not some baby. I can take care of myself, you gotta focus on your schoolwork." I said seriously.

"Shoot, Soda, I bet you'll eat your words once you start chemo. I'll be here to help, 'cause you're gonna need it." Ponyboy said stubbornly.

I messed up his hair, grinning at him. "You act just like Darry sometimes." I said.

Darry grunted and said, "Shoot, this kid's too day-dreamy and smart to be like me. Besides, he isn't even close to matching these muscles." He said, pulling Ponyboy into a headlock.

"Oh, shut up." Pony mumbled, fixing his hair, fighting a smile.

I grinned at my brothers, thankful that I had them to help me through this. I stood up and pulled both of them into a big hug, burying my head into Darry's shoulder. "I love you guys, but you're crazy."

"Ditto." They both said at the same time. Then we all burst out laughing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, thanks for the reviews! I hope you like the next chapter :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All credits to S.E Hinton, my idol.**

**PONY'S POV**

My stomach dropped as I heard the front door creak open. Soda, Darry, and I were sitting around the table, stuffing our faces with chocolate cake when Two-Bit's loud voice rang out, "Mornin', boys!"

_Oh no, what will we tell the guys? _I thought.

Darry grumbled out a "Mornin'," Soda smiled and said hi, and I remained silent.

"What's with all the sulking? You guys look like you've seen a ghost walk right into the kitchen!" He laughed. He immediately stopped when none of us joined in. "You guys okay? Soda, you don't look so hot. How come you're so pale?"

Darry's brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to explain, but he was interrupted by Steve, Johnny, and Dally.

We were all greeted with "Hey guys," and "Hi," and "You got any food?"

"Have a seat, guys." Darrel said. He made it sound like more of an order than a suggestion. His voice was gruff.

"What's goin' on?" Steve asked. Johnny raised his eyebrows discretely at me, as if to say, _what's all the hubbub?_ See, me and Johnny have this thing, where we can have a conversation with our eyes. We know what each other is trying to say - I guess that's what happens when you have a best buddy like Johnny. Two-Bit thinks it's creepy, but it comes in handy when there are tense moments like this.

"So, I'm sure you've all noticed that Sodapop's been a little under the weather the past few weeks-"

Darry was cut off by Two-Bit, "_A little_? The kid looks like he barely has the energy to sit up!" He shut his mouth when he noticed Darry's glare. It was true, though. Soda looked like a walking corpse. Well, maybe that was a little exaggerated, but he certainly didn't look like his old self. He was pale, tired, and thin - he'd lost at least ten pounds since Johnny and I came home. My stomach churned and I felt myself turn a sickly green when I remembered that whole ordeal. I couldn't get the sight out of my head - Johnny, shaking as he held that bloody switchblade, with Bob Sheldon's lifeless body sprawled in the grass.

Darry continued, giving Two a hard stare, "Well, we took Soda to the doctor, and they ran a lot of tests," The three of us shuddered as we recalled all those long hours, watching Soda get poked and jabbed, "It turns out that he's worse than I could've ever imagined." I shut my eyes and put my face in my hands, wishing he didn't have to say that Soda had cancer. I didn't want it to be true.

I looked up, and Johnny, who was sitting next to Soda, put a comforting hand on Soda's shoulder. His dark brown eyes looked almost black as they met mine, searching for an answer in my grey-green eyes. I put my head back in my hands.

"Soda's got cancer. Lymphoma, I think the doc said." Darry managed to say, his voice crackling a bit at the end. Gosh, it must've been hard to say that to his buddies. I wouldn't have had the guts. Darry was real brave.

Two-Bit turned white, Steve's mouth dropped, and Dally's eyes widened a bit, but you wouldn't have noticed unless you knew him real well. I wondered how Dally could just keep his face cool and indifferent like that. He was right when he said that prison hardens you.

Everyone murmured comforting words to Soda, patting him on the back and giving encouraging smiles. But I could tell they were all scared. Soon the kitchen was so quiet, you could hear Johnny nervously tapping his sneakers on the tile floor.

"The doc told me that his cancer isn't real bad yet, but it's not too good, either. He said that he has hope for Soda, though, and that the chemo should work." Darry said. Everyone loosened a bit, but only marginally.

"And if it doesn't...?" Steve asked quietly. Dang, Steve was never quiet, so I knew he was taking this real hard.

"What are you talking' 'bout?" Two-Bit stammered angrily. "Soda's gonna kick this cancer's ass! Right, Soda?"

"Right." Soda tried to smile as he answered.

Dally spoke up, "Yeah, man, we've been through the worst of the worst. Cancer's got nothin' on us, man."

"We can handle anything!" Two shouted, but his face was still blanched white.

"That's the right way to think," Darry said, his eyes still hard. "We've gotta be here for Pepsi Cola. He needs us, and, shoot, we need him." He grinned as he ruffled Sodapop's messy hair.

Soda said, "But just because I'm sick, doesn't mean ya'll have to baby me. I'll be okay, I promise. You don't have to treat me any differently."

"Shoot, kid, you ain't no baby! You're the tuffest hood around!" Dally said, smirking.

"Exactly. Anyhoo, good family meeting. Ya'll took it better than I though you would." Darry said, a bit relieved. I had relaxed a little, too. It was good to know that we had our buddies. I could't help but grin despite myself.

Everyone dispersed, with Steve, Two, Dally, and Soda sprawling out in the living room. Darry started to wash the dishes. I stayed where I was, and Johnny sat next to me.

"Hey, man." Johnny said. "How are ya holding up?"

"Okay, I guess. I'm still dumb-struck." He nodded in agreement. I continued, "Of all people, why Soda? It's so weird having him all silent and sick-lookin'."

"Yeah, Soda's like, I dunno, the fun guy of the group." Johnny said quietly. I knew what he meant. If there was one guy who could make you smile no matter what you were doing, it was my brother Sodapop.

We sat there in silence. It wasn't one of those awkward silences, where everyone is uncomfortable, but a peaceful silence. Johnny and I were perfectly content with just sitting there, losing ourselves in our own thoughts. It was what made us different from the rest of the gang. They always had to be noisy and rambunctious. I guess that's why Johnny's my best friend.

**TWO-BIT'S POV**

As we all blank stared at the television, in a trance from Mickey Mouse, my mind raced. _Man,_ I thought, _Soda's really sick._ I kept glancing over at Sodapop, who was flopped lazily on the couch, his eyes heavy-lidded and sleepy. I wondered what it felt like. How can you be so calm when you have _cancer,_ for Christ's sake? I knew we had a tough road ahead of us, but it wasn't like our gang couldn't get through it. We'd been through a lot.

Despite my humorous nature, I couldn't help but fear for Soda's life. We needed him. Hell, we needed all of us, in order to get along. We needed Dally's cool roughness, Darry's strong parental love for all of us, my humor to keep things lighthearted, Steve's loud exterior and stubbornness, Johnny's understanding heart, Ponyboy's caring and intelligent soul, and, of course, Sodapop's way of making everyone laugh and forget about the world.

I know what you're thinking - _Two-Bit Matthews can think? Who knew he was that observant?_

Well, I am. I just don't show it. I wish people knew that I'm not dumb. Shoot, I guess I am dumb, when it comes to school. But I know how it goes around here. I'm not _that_ stupid.

Steve's booming laugh broke me out of my thoughts. I hadn't noticed that Soda had fallen asleep, and I guess he must've fallen off the couch onto Dallas, who was laying on the floor.

"Hey, watch it!" Dally chuckled, moving Soda off him. I was surprised at how gently he handled Soda - like he was a porcelain doll or somethin'.

"Sorry, Dal, I musta rolled over too much." Sodapop said drowsily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"It's alright, man." Dally replied, "You okay?"

I almost choked on my beer. Did he really just ask Soda if he was okay? Normally, Dally didn't give a rat's ass about anyone, except Johnny.

"I'm fine, Dal. Don't get all soft and caring, just 'cause of me," Soda said lightly, punching Dal's arm. "Like I said, I'm not a baby."

"I know, kid. I'm just afraid I'm gonna break ya or sumthin'." Dallas said. Everyone stared at him. What in God's name was up with him?

"I'm not gonna break, you dummy." Soda laughed.

Dallas just grumbled something about not wanting to be held responsible for breaking Darry's kid brother.

I laughed, rolling onto my stomach and dozing off, cuddling my beer bottle to my side.

...

**Alright, that's chapter two! Reviews are GREATLY appreciated! I'd love to know how it is. Should I continue, or not bother?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry I haven't updated, I've been pretty busy. I hope you like this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. I also don't own "Nothing Gold Can Stay" by Robert Frost.**

**Steve's POV**

Man, Soda looked awful sick in that hospital bed, with all those tubes and shit attached to him. That subtle _beep, beep_ noise was really getting on my nerves. I just wanted to get out of there.

I was still in shock after finding out that my best buddy had cancer. Now we were sitting in a room that smelled like rubbing alcohol and sick people, and Soda was miserable. I didn't really know what chemo was, but I did know that it really must have sucked for Soda. But hey, if it'll make him better, then I'm all for it.

We were all sitting around Soda's bed. Pony and Johnny were talking to Soda about some story with "southern gentlemen." Two was laughing about god knows what. Dally was smoking a cigarette and talking to Darry, who kept glancing worriedly at Soda. I was just sitting on the floor, my head in my hands. I wanted to help Soda, make him better, but I didn't know how.

I was kinda afraid to even look at him. He just looked so _sick_. He was pale, sweaty, and his face was a bit green. A waste bucket sat next to his bed, since he kept vomiting. He tried to keep a smile on his face, but I don't know... It just didn't reach his eyes. Like it was forced. He wore one of those thin, scratchy hospital gowns - Two-Bit kept asking Soda if his ass stuck out the back, and Dally kept smacking him upside the head. Soda's hair was damp from sweat, and it was pushed off his face.

We had been there for a few hours, and I really wanted to rip those tubes out of his arms and take him home. This place creeped me out. We were in the part of the hospital for kids with cancer (since Soda was still sixteen) and there were all these little kids walking around. They all looked so sad. They had no hair, and they were all thin and sickly-lookin'. It was scary to think that Sodapop would look like them. Sodapop! Of all people!

I knew I should've been there for Soda, to comfort him. Instead I was sitting there, sulking. What the hell? What the fuck was I doing? Soda needed me, and I was doing nothing but worrying.

I decided I needed to help him in some way. I walked over to his bed and sat on the edge carefully, afraid I was gonna hurt him or something.

"Hey, buddy. How ya doin'?" I asked, trying to smile. It looked more like a grimace.

"Pretty swell." Soda rasped, winking. Even his voice didn't have that happy twinkle that it used to have.

"Look, man, you're gonna be okay. All this is gonna help, trust me." Would it? I hoped so.

"It better help. I feel like I got hit by a bus and then got put on one of them spinning rides at the fair." He muttered. His eyes widened and he reached for the bucket on the floor. I handed it to him and winced when he vomited until there wasn't anything left in his stomach. Ponyboy wiped Soda's mouth with a cloth, and Johnny squeezed his hand encouragingly. Man, those boys were good at staying calm. Johnny looked scared, but he always did. And Pony looked worried, but I think we were all a little tense that day. They were trying to be cool and calm for Sodapop, while I was there with my hands shaking like crazy.

Soda looked at me with sad eyes.

I wouldn't admit this to anyone, but I felt like crying. I almost bawled like I'd never bawled before. I cried when I left the Curtis house the other day, when I was alone. I cried last night, because I knew Soda would get chemo today. And I felt like crying right then, because my Sodapop was sicker than I'd ever seen, and it just wasn't like him. I couldn't help but think of the worst case scenario. What if he died? What would I do? Soda's the only one who understands me. The rest of the gang merely tolerates me, and my old man doesn't give a damn. Evie just worries about her makeup and girly gossip. I couldn't imagine living life without Sodapop. He was like my brother. I loved him more than anyone. I wouldn't tell anyone that, though.

"Steve, I don't think I'll be goin' to any races anytime soon." Soda said glumly.

"Shoot, Soda, you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be alright." I said, my voice cracking at the end.

That was when I ran out of the room, tears streaming down my face.

**xxxxxxx**

**Soda's POV**

I wasn't sure why Steve had left so quickly. It was so random. But I could see something different in his eyes. Pain? I'd never seen Steve cry before, but he was bawling when he ran out.

"I have to go talk to him." I said. I started to sit up, but I got dizzy and puked in the bucket again. Bad idea.

"I think Steve needs some time. He'll be back. You need to rest." Darry said comfortingly. I nodded. Besides Pony and Darry, he was taking this the hardest out of the rest of the guys. I didn't understand why, though. I should be fine, right? Everyone was acting so... bleak.

Dally came and went. He said he had "business" to do. We all kind of learned to stay out of Dally's "business," 'cause it usually meant trouble.

We sat there for a _long_ time, and for once, I had no energy. I didn't mind laying there, talking to Ponyboy and Johnny. They kept up all the conversation, which was strange for them, so all I had to do was listen.

They told me about this book they read while they were hiding out in the church. _Gone with the Wind_ was its name. They said that there were southern gentlemen in that book, and that I reminded them an awful lot of those men. It made me a little warm inside when they said I was charming.

"What's 'gallant'?" I asked curiously.

"Gallant means you're brave. A hero." Ponyboy said, smoothing my hair back. "You're awful brave to go through all this. If it were me, I think I'd be a scared little bawl baby." He said knowingly.

Johnny nodded in agreement. "Ain't no one as brave as you, Sodapop."

I was blushing, but also confused. "What about Dally?" Johnny practically worshipped Dallas Winston. I was shocked to hear that he thought I was more brave.

Johnny shook his head. "Dally's a different kind of brave. He _has_ to be brave. He probably would be lying dead in the street if he wasn't. But you... you _choose_ to be brave. You've been so calm all this time, and hopeful, too. You could be whining and complaining and feel in' sorry for yourself, but you choose not to. That's brave."

_Wow_, I thought. That was more than I'd ever heard him say at one time. He was pretty dang talkative today. It was nice - he was good with words, like he always knew the right thing to say. Johnny was smart, even if he didn't do well in school.

"Well thanks, kid. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me." I responded. It was true - most people just thought I was only good looks and charm. I wasn't just the pretty boy who dropped out of school. It was nice to know that Pony and Johnny saw something other than that. They sure were smart kids, all observant like that.

"Oh, and another thing." Johnny spoke up. "Back in Windrixville, Pony told me this poem. It was a real good one, considering I don't read many poems. It was about staying gold. We didn't really know what that meant at first, but we think we figured it out. You know how in the morning, when the sun is coming up, and it looks like the sky is gold?" I nodded. I had seen it once. "Well, here's the poem."

He began to recite,

_"Nature's first green is gold_

_Her hardest hue to hold._

_Her early leaf's a flower;_

_But only so an hour._

_Then leaf subsides to leaf._

_So Eden sank to grief,_

_So dawn goes down to day._

_Nothing gold can stay."_

Johnny continued, "When he says 'nothing gold can stay,' he means that when you're gold, you're young. The gold in the morning can't last, and neither can your youth. But you can stay pure. You can stay who you are, no matter what. Stay who you are, Sodapop. When you put a smile on everyone's face, keep doing that. That's why Pony and I always say 'stay gold.' We mean it. You should stay gold, too."

I didn't know what to say. I just stared at him. After a few moments I said softly, "Johnny, you're one tuff kid. You've got a way with words. You're awful gallant, too. Thanks."

Johnny was grinning from ear to ear. Ponyboy grinned, too. I smiled at them. "You too, Pony. You're both the tuffest kids I know."

They looked at each other and slapped high-fives, still grinning like fools.

I ruined the moment when I threw up in the bucket. Damn.

**xxxxxxxxx**

**Johnny's POV**

Man, despite the fact that it was kind of a solemn day, I was grinning until my face hurt. Soda made me feel like I was somebody for once. I thought I was the "pet" to the rest of the gang. I just thought they let me hang out with them 'cause they felt bad for me. Pity, you know? Man, did I feel good and proud when Soda called me tuff and gallant.

A little while after that, the nurse came in and took out all of Soda's tubes, and said we could go. We got out of there as fast as we could.

Two-Bit went to see Kathy. I went with Pony, Soda, and Darry back to their house. We had to bring a bucket, 'cause Soda kept heaving. I felt real bad for Sodapop. He didn't deserve this. I sat in the back with him, rubbing his back in soothing circles. "You'll be alright, man. This medicine'll help you, I promise." I kind of doubted my words.

I didn't know much about cancer, but I knew that it was bad. I knew that some people survive it, so maybe Soda will, too. I also remembered a kid in school who's mom died of cancer. What if that's Sodapop? It would kill Ponyboy. Sodapop's the only one in his family who he can talk to. He's getting better with Darry, and they're pretty close, but not nearly like Soda and Pony.

Ponyboy and Darry have had it so hard already, what with losing their parents and all. If they lost Soda, I don't know how they would cope. That's too many people to lose. It's not fair.

We got Soda into his bed, all warm under the blankets. He grabbed Ponyboy's hand. "Where's Steve? Why did he leave?" He asked imploringly.

"Steve will be back, Pepsi-Cola." Darry said. "Just go to sleep, and he'll be here."

"Okay. I'm pretty tired." He was out cold before he could say anything else.

Pony climbed into bed with Sodapop carefully, so as not to disturb him. Darry started to head to his room, when I asked, "Hey Dar, do you mind if I sleep on the couch tonight? I don't want to deal with my parents, and it's kinda cold to sleep in the lot."

"Shoot, kid, you can live here if you want," Darry said, and I shook my head in protest. I was another mouth to feed, and they couldn't afford that, especially now. "And you're still sleeping in the lot? You'll catch pneumonia doing that!" he said sternly. His eyes softened and he put his big hand on my shoulder. "You're always welcome here, Johnnycakes."

I smiled gratefully and said, "Thanks, man. I appreciate it."

Darry went to his room. I shut the door quietly as I left Pony and Soda's room, 'cause they were both snoring. I chuckled softly.

Now it was just me in the quiet, dark house. I hopped on the couch and fell asleep, thinking of southern gentlemen and gold sunrises.

**Did you like it? Tell me what you think! I love reviews, and if you have any advice, I'd love it! I'm only fourteen, so I'm sorta new at this, and advice is wonderful :)**

**Love you guys, and I'll update soon if I get reviews!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey there! I'm leaving for vacation soon, so there won't be an update for about a week or so after this. Sorry 'bout that ;p Anyways, I've received a lot of awesome reviews from you guys! Some of you are so sweet, and some of you give really helpful critiques! Thanks so much for reading this and reviewing :)**

**I don't own The Outsiders. I wish I did... but I don't.**

**Pony's POV**

I lost a lot of sleep while Soda was going through chemotherapy. Every night, I was awake, staring at the ceiling, waiting for Soda to wake up. He woke up several times every night, whether it was to vomit, ask for medication from the doctor, or wake up all sweaty from a bad dream. I wasn't mad at him for waking up so much - even if he slept through the night, I'd probably still lay awake, lost in thought. I felt so bad for Soda. He would toss and turn in his sleep, moaning and asking for mom and dad. The only thing I could do was stroke his hair and tell him it would be okay.

I'm not the toughest person you'll ever meet - heck, I ain't tough whatsoever. So when Soda woke up one night crying a few days after his first chemo treatment, I started bawling right there with him. I couldn't help it, I can't stand seeing my big brother so upset.

I remember he sat up suddenly, sobbing, "Pony, I'm scared. I'm real, real scared." Tears poured down his face, and he didn't even bother to hide them like he usually did.

Of course, being the bawl baby that I am, I just threw my arms around his bare shoulders, pressing my face into the crook of his neck. For a while, I couldn't get any words out - I was too busy bawling - but eventually, I managed to whisper comforting words in his ear.

"I know, Sodapop. I'm real scared, too. But we're gonna get through this. Everything happens for a reason, so something good will come out of this. I promise, buddy."

"Ponyboy, this is my fault," He wailed, "We already lost mom and dad! If I die -"

"You're not gonna die, Soda!" I shouted. "YOU. ARE. NOT. GONNA. DIE!" He shut his mouth, shocked by my loud tone. I continued, "And it's not your fault, either! Do you think we wanted you to get sick? No! No one asked for this!"

He looked at me sadly, his eyes wide.

I kept snapping, "Look, you're not the only one going through this! We're in this as much as you are! You know why? 'Cause we love you. And we don't want nothin' to happen to you."

I felt bad for lashing out, he didn't need the extra stress. I said softly, "Man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about mom and dad. I'm sorry Johnny killed that Soc. I'm sorry Sandy left you. I'm sorry you're sick. I'm sorry I'm being a bad brother." He tried to interrupt me, but I kept going, "I'm just... sorry. I'm sorry. I don't even know why I'm being so mean to you, I mean, you've been so calm - calmer than all of us - and I just got mad anyway! What the heck is wrong with me?"

I kept blubbering out apologies through my tears, until Soda clamped a hand on my mouth. He looked me in the eye and said, "Ponyboy, you need to stop. Don't be sorry. You're the best brother a guy can have." Despite his sobbing, he smiled. "We've all been loopy lately. That's the thing I hate most about this. It's not just making me sick, it's making you guys feel guilty about absolutely nothing!"

He whispered, "I just... I want things to be normal again. Not just before I got cancer, but before mom and dad died. I want to wake up in the morning and hear mom sing while she makes pancakes. I want to go outside with dad and play football with you and Darry. I want to go on those picnics we had in the summer - you know, the ones where we bring Johnny along with us? Momma always loved Johnny. She was even talkin' about takin' custody of him! He would've lived with us if mom was still alive. Johnny wouldn't be so jittery and scared if we had gotten him away from his parents!" His voice drifted off, and I could tell he was lost in thought.

A few moments later, he said softly, "Things would be so different if mom and dad were still here. Darry could've gone to college, Johnny would've been better off, and we wouldn't be struggling with money. We'd just be normal brothers, with normal parents, living happily. And honestly, I think I would've felt better if mom and dad were here when I got sick. I dunno, things might've been... easier."

"I know what you mean," I agreed. "But that's not how things ended up. We'll get through this. We've got each other, and we've got Darry, and we've got the boys. That's more than we could ask for."

"Mhm," he responded. "Sorry I'm being so emotional and wimpy."

"Shut up, Soda," I smiled at him. "You've got a reason to cry. Look, I love you, okay? Now try to go back to sleep. You need rest, or you'll feel even crappier."

"Ugh, I don't know if this could get worse." he responded. He was right - the previous morning, he started getting mouth sores, and he still had no appetite. The fatigue was really getting to him. But at least he wasn't vomiting much anymore. That was pretty gross.

"Go to bed, Soda," I pushed. He gave me a small smile. If I looked as ridiculous as he did, then we must've been a funny-lookin' pair. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, and his cheeks were rosy. You could see trails of dried tears on his face, plus new tears streaming down. His hair was sticking up in every direction. And to top it all off, we were both wearing our Mickey Mouse boxer-shorts, and nothing else. Good thing no one else was here, 'cause we certainly looked pretty crazy.

"Mm, okie dokie." He said, flopping over lazily, pulling me close to his chest. I liked sharing a bed with Sodapop. It was kinda small, and we had to squish together, but I didn't mind. I felt protected with Soda cuddling with me like that. I felt safe with my big brother there.

I wouldn't admit that, though. I'm enough of a wuss already.

**xxxxxxxx**

**Soda's POV**

I woke up the morning after my and Pony's conversation, with my arms wrapped around him tightly. I almost peed myself when I noticed Steve standing near the bed. I didn't expect him to be there, considering I hadn't seen him since he ran out of that hospital room.

"Couldn't resist coming back to me, huh?" I said, raising my eyebrows.

He was silent for a moment, until he said quietly, "Man, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. This is all so crazy, ya know? I just needed to get out of that dang hospital, and think about things."

"It's alright, Stevie. I understand. Everyone's still kinda shell-shocked. I am, too. I just didn't know why you left. It's all good. Are you okay now?" I asked.

"Man, are _you_ okay? You're the sick one!" Steve said.

"So? You're more important to me than this... disease. I don't want you to be upset. Ya dig?" I said.

He couldn't help but smile. "Thanks, buddy. And I'm good now, that's why I came back. I was worried about you. How ya been?"

I ignored his question and responded, "Where've you been? If you don't mind me askin'."

He said slowly, "I got in my car and just... drove. Hell, I don't even know where I went. I just drove and drove for hours, then when I had my head cleared, I asked for directions on how to get back to Tulsa. I don't know why I did it, but it worked. I cleared my head. I still knew how fucked up all this was, though, so then I went to Buck's and had some drinks. That helped for a little while..." He trailed off.

"Well, I'm glad you're okay. And man, you know you're not supposed to go to Buck's by your lonesome! Someone coulda whooped your ass!" I said sternly.

He looked at me. "Damn, Darry must've gotten to you! You're actin' more and more like him!"

"Shut it, Randle." I said, chuckling.

He stuck out his tongue and then said, "Do you want to go back to sleep? I can go watch TV with Two-Bit, if you want."

"I'll come with you, if I can get up without wakin' Pony here." I said.

"You better watch out, 'cause that kid's almost as tall as you now! He'll give you a run for yer money!" He laughed.

I pretended to glare at him as I slipped my arm out from under Ponyboy. "Damnit, he weighs a lot!"

Steve looked worried. "Soda, the kid isn't that heavy. You pick him up all the time..."

I looked at Ponyboy. "Oh. Right." Dang. I was getting weaker and weaker every day.

Steve's eyes were doubtful. I brushed off his gaze and said, "Let's go watch some cartoons."

**xxxxxxxx**

**Darry's POV**

We had to take Soda to the doctor to run some tests. They wanted to keep checking everything every week or so, just to keep tabs on his condition.

Sodapop was doing okay. I admired his composure throughout all this. Out of all of us, Soda definitely handled it the best.

While we were in the oncology part of the hospital (Level 7), Soda mentioned that he wanted to walk around, and see some of the kids. He wanted to see how they were doing. I smiled when he said that - it was typical of Sodapop to want to make someone smile. I envied his charm and likability.

When the nurse was done running the tests, Soda, Pony, and I wandered around Level 7 to find the patients. We found a wing that said "In-Patient Care", so we figured that was a good place to start. Toys and games lay on tables, and kids were walking around or playing. They all wore hospital gowns, and some wore hats or baseball caps. Some were little toddlers with big, scared eyes, and some were older kids with eyes that seemed more mature than the rest of them. We walked past rooms that lined the hall, and kids who were too sick to play were laying in their beds, talking to their parents or sleeping.

As we walked, Soda would wave to some of the kids that were playing, smiling as he said lots of _H__ello'_s and _H__ow are you?_'s. All of the kids smiled back at him. Ponyboy silently watched all the kids with a sad expression on his face. His eyes were swimming with emotion.

He stopped in front of a particularly sad-looking little girl - probably no more than four or five years old - and picked her up. She had huge blue eyes and little tiny hands. I remembered when Ponyboy was as little as her. Sometimes it seemed like he was still that young - he sure acted that way.

She looked really upset, and her bottom lip trembled. Soda bounced her on his hip and said, "Hey there, cutie. How are ya today?"

"They stuck me with pointy things." She said sadly. She had a lisp.

"Aw, well they don't wanna hurt you. They want to make you feel better! Hey, they poked me a lot, too. I hate to admit this, but I cried like a little baby." I chuckled at his made-up story. He was already used to all the needles. Soda continued, "I'm sure you didn't cry, though. You're too brave to cry. Braver than me, that's for sure."

Her eyes lightened, and her full little lips curved into a smile. She giggled and said in a brave tone, "I didn't cry. Nope, nope, nope."

He put his face close to hers, and looked at her seriously. "Well, that's good. Listen, you're the bravest little girl I've ever met. When they stick you with needles again, just remember to be brave. Those shots are gonna make you healthy again." He poked her nose lightly and set her down. "I'll see you around, kiddo. My name's Sodapop."

She giggled and replied, "My name's Mary. Is that your real name?" He nodded. She gasped, "Woah, can my name be Rainbow? "

Sodapop laughed and said, "No, your original name is much better. It sounds braver." Mary grinned at him. They waved goodbye, and we kept walking. Dang, he sure knew how to make someone happy.

Pony and I felt out of place in that wing. We probably looked like fish out of water in that hall full of little sickly kids. We didn't really interact with them - I didn't know how. Soda seemed to be comfortable with them, though.

Soda continued to talk to the kids. There were a rare couple of teenagers in that wing, and Soda would crack a joke to make them laugh. He always knew what to say to make the room lighter.

Then Sodapop started talking to a girl that looked around his age. She was pretty, and Soda was definitely using his charm on her.

Pony and I decided to go get some food. We sorta slowly backed away after we told Soda where we were going.

I don't think he even heard us.

**xxxxxxxx**

**Soda's POV**

I really liked talking to all those sick kids. It felt good to see them smiling and laughing. I hate to see sad kids, so I enjoyed making them happy.

However, I _really_ enjoyed talking to one of the older girls. She was a doll. She had stormy grey eyes and dark brown hair that fell in waves down her back. She had a hospital gown on, too. She looked approachable, so I popped up the collar of my shirt and said, "Hey, did you hear about the new Beatles song?" I didn't care for the Beatles, but a lot of girls seemed to like them.

She raised her eyebrow and said, "I've been stuck here for the past week, so... no." She noticed my apologetic expression and continued quickly, "But I wouldn't have cared anyway. I'm more of an Elvis girl myself."

My mouth dropped. She didn't _seem_ like a greaser girl. She didn't have tons of makeup - or any at all, for that matter - and she wasn't smoking or swearing. But she didn't seem snobby like a Soc, either.

"Well, that's a relief," I said casually, "I don't even like the Beatles."

"Oh, is that so? Was that just a trick to pick me up, then?" She asked, smirking.

"Maybe, maybe not." I grinned. "So what're you in for?" I asked, gesturing to the hall around us.

"Brain tumor. First diagnosed when I was seven, went into remission, then it came back last year. It's worse this time - they couldn't operate on it, so I've got to have chemo _and_ radiation." She groaned and pointed to her hair. "This isn't real, in case you were wondering. It's a wig."

I looked at her and said, "You sure fooled me. It looks dang real. But I'm sure you're awful pretty without it, too."

She smiled and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Right. Anyhoo, what about you? What brought you to this hell hole?"

I said, "I have Lymphoma. Just had my first round of chemo the other day. I'm just here for tests." She nodded empathetically.

"I see. We've all got a story 'round here. I'm Lindy. Lindy Emerson." She said.

"Sodapop Curtis, nice to meet you." I said, grinning.

"Hmm, Sodapop, eh? Nice, it's different. I like it," She said. _I like this girl!_

A nurse walked up to us and said, "Lindy, hun, you have to go for radiation soon."

Lindy groaned and said to me, "I gotta go. It was nice talkin' to you."

"I'll see ya around?" I asked hopefully.

She eyed me with one eyebrow raised. "Will you?"

"I sure hope so."

She smiled and replied, "Sounds good to me."

And with that, she turned on her heel and followed the nurse down the hall. Shoot, she was sure pretty.

I turned around to give a thumbs up to Darry and Pony, but they weren't there. _Where'd they go?_ Oh well.

I left the wing with a little spring in my step, grinning until my face hurt. That was a first in what seemed like forever.

**xxxxxxx**

**There ya go, chapter 4. I think this was my longest chapter so far!**

**Once again, feel free to review and let me know how I'm doing :) and do you like the part with Lindy? should I add some romance, or stick with the story with the guys? I'm open for opinions! And if you have any ideas for future chapters that you want me to include, I'd love to hear it!**

**xoxo Kate**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm back! Yellowstone was amazing :) Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate it. I also agree with some of you, I think I'll focus more on the gang, and keep Lindy as more of a friendship side story. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

**Darry's POV**

"Soda, you want some cake?" I asked, cutting myself a piece of divine chocolatey-ness.

"Nah, I'm not hungry." He replied nonchalantly.

Pony glanced at him worriedly. "Man, you gotta eat something. You haven't eaten since yesterday afternoon!"

"I said I ain't hungry." He didn't look up from the table. He seemed awfully interested in that table.

"Sodapop, you better eat." I said, my voice hardening.

"Why?"

"_Because I said so."_ I responded.

He looked at me, his eyes puffy from sleep and filled with worry. "Dar, I don't want to eat. The last time I ate before chemo, I was throwin' up left and right. I don't want that to happen again."

I didn't know what to say. It made sense, but I couldn't sit there and watch him starve, either. It was the day of his second round of chemo, and we were all kind of dreading it. "I know, buddy. But if you don't eat, you're gonna get dizzy and weak and you'd be better off eating, even if it means you'll throw it all up later."

"He's right, Soda," Pony said, "Besides, this cake is great." He stuffed a too-big chunk of cake in his his mouth and mumbled, "Mmmm, delicious!"

Soda couldn't help but laugh at Ponyboy. I grinned - Pony had chocolate icing on his nose and face. "Pone, you really are actin' more like Two-Bit."

He raised his eyebrows and wiped his face with a dishtowel. "Shut up, Dar."

"I'll eat if you guys stop actin' like dorks." Soda said, smiling. He got up and fixed himself some cake.

"Never." Pony and I said simultaneously. We all burst out laughing. It was like old times - sort of.

xxxxxxxx

**Soda's POV**

"Why can't they decorate these rooms to make 'em look less gloomy?" I mumbled to Darry. The walls of the hospital room were white. The table next to me was white. The bed was white. Dang, they had no taste in interior decorating.

Steve piped up, "Yeah, they should put up pictures of some tuff mustangs." He grinned at me. "Or pictures of girls."

Pony groaned. "Gross, Steve." Pony still didn't have much interest in girls. Eventually he'll change his mind. Steve shook his head pitifully.

The nurse came in and hooked a bunch of tubes into my arms. I had no idea what most of them were, but I knew one of the tubes led to the bag of chemo that would hopefully get rid of this asshole cancer. I didn't even notice when she stuck the needles in - I was used to them.

I closed my eyes and waited for the meds to set in. I had a different nurse today, and she said that I could only have three people stay with me. The other nurse was nicer. So Ponyboy, Darrel, and Steve sat in chairs around my bed, making small talk.

"Hey Ponyboy," Darry said casually, "How've you been doing in school?"

Pony tensed up. _Oh no,_ I thought, _not again._

"I, uh, I'm doin' okay." He said, keeping his eyes on the floor. His ears turned bright red.

"Pony, you can tell me anything. I thought you knew that. I ain't gonna get mad if you're struggling." Darry said calmly.

Pony glanced at me and responded, "Well, with everything that's been happening, I haven't been studying much. I'm still passing, but I'm not doing as good."

Darrel took a deep breath. "I understand. Just try and study a little more when you have free time. What are your grades?"

"Mostly B's and C's. I'll try and do better, okay?" Pony looked really nervous.

"That's all I want to hear." Darry smiled.

That was _very_ awkward for me and Steve. But I was glad they were trying not to fight.

The hours passed, and I felt weak and tired and nauseous again. "Stevie, could you grab the waste basket?" My stomach flipped as I spoke.

"Sure thing, Pop." He said. Most of the day, he was sort of quiet. Well, as quiet as Steve could be. Normally, he was blabbin' his mouth all the time (which was why he was my best buddy - he made every day fun). But for the past few days, he was... off.

When he came back from the bathroom and placed the basket next to me, I hurled in it. This was getting annoying. I sighed when I realized I had to have chemo several more times.

"Hey Steve?" I asked softly.

"Yeah buddy?"

"Are you okay?"

"What do you mean?" He asked cautiously.

"You've been different. I hate that. You're not the Stevie I know. What's wrong?" I said, looking at him. Steve ran a nervous hand through his dark hair.

"Soda, I don't know what's wrong. This whole thing scares me. I'm a wreck these days. I'm confused and worried and... I don't know. I don't want you to leave us." He didn't look at me.

"Stevie, I ain't goin' anywhere." I said, and I felt tears well up in my eyes. "I wouldn't leave you. I'm trying my very best to fight this. Don't be sad. I'm here." I lifted my arms and motioned to him. "C'mere."

Steve wiped his eyes and gave me a big hug. "Thanks for understanding. You always do." His voice was shaky, and he tried to hide a sniffle.

"Man, you can cry if you want. You don't have to leave this time." I said, attempting to smile. I pulled away from him, and I noticed his quivering lip.

"I'm not gonna cry," He said determinedly. "I ain't a bawl baby." Tears fell down his face despite his words.

I heard Pony sniffling behind us. "Aw, stop it, guys. Now you're makin' me cry!" his eyes were red, and he was rubbing them hastily.

"Get over here, Ponyboy," I said. "Why are we all crying?" Darry chuckled at my question, but I could tell he was getting emotional, too. I doubted he would cry like us, and he sure was trying hard to be strong.

I embraced Pony, saying, "Man, we _are_ bawl babies!"

xxxxxxxx

**Pony's POV**

Steve and I sat in Soda's bed for most of the day. We talked and laughed. Hell, we even cried. We all tried to brush off the fact that Soda was having trouble sitting up. Even though he said it was nothing, we couldn't ignore it. It was really scaring me.

"It's just the chemo," Soda would say, trying to smile weakly, "I'll get better. Don't worry about me." We tried to believe him, but it was hard. It was hard to stay strong for him.

Eventually, Soda was too tired to talk. He was so _pale_. I laid next to him, holding his hand and stroking his hair. I tried to ignore the clumps of hair that fell out. I discretely tossed them into the trash.

Steve and I were quiet while Soda fell asleep. It was a peaceful silence - I was glad that Soda was able to fall asleep so he could rest. However, it also terrified me, because when he looked so pallid and thin with dark circles under his eyes, he looked lifeless. Lifeless but peaceful. The only thing that denied my worries was the steady and slow rise and fall of his chest.

Darry suddenly broke me out of my thoughts, saying, "Has Soda mentioned that girl he was talking to? I wonder what happened after we left."

I shrugged. I noticed Soda's mouth slightly curving up in the corners. He was probably awake now, listening to us.

I played along, pretending I didn't know he was awake. "I dunno. Maybe he _likes_ her. I bet they kissed." I said matter-of-factly.

One of Soda's eyes opened, glaring at me. He mumbled, "Did not." I laughed at him.

"Well then what _did_ you do?" I asked curiously.

"We talked a bit. Her name's Lindy. She seems nice," He mused.

"Nice, huh?" Steve laughed. "Didya use your charm on her?"

"She didn't seem like she was lookin' for a date. More like a friend. Someone who understood what she was going through, you dig?" Sodapop smiled. "She was pretty though, huh Pony?"

"I guess," I said.

Sodapop chuckled.

xxxxxxx

Later that night, when we brought Soda home from the hospital, we found Dallas sitting on our couch. He was smoking a pack of Kools in the dimly-lit living room.

After Soda went to bed, I couldn't sleep, so I went to sit with Dally. "Pass me a smoke." I said.

"How's the kid?" He asked, handing me a cigarette.

"He's fightin', that's for sure. He ain't gonna give up any time soon." I smiled. My brother was a fighter.

"That's good." said Dally. He began blowing perfect smoke rings. I leaned my head back and tried to do the same, but it just didn't look right. He said idly, "Sodapop's one tuff greaser. I don't think even Shepard or the Brumly boys could handle this the way he does. Hell, I don't think _I_ could."

My mouth dropped. Dally thought he was the tuffest guy to ever have lived. What in the world had gotten into him?

He noticed me staring at him like a deer in headlights. "What?"

"Nothin', Dal." I muttered. I tried to change the subject. "How's Johnny? I haven't seen him all day."

"Johnnycake and I hung out most of the day - we caught a movie this afternoon. I tried to hit on some greaser gals, but they wouldn't have it." He laughed.

Something was on my mind. "Hey, Dally?" I asked cautiously.

"Yeah man?" He said, taking a drag on his cigarette.

"Am I tuff?" I asked quietly.

He looked at me, raising an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Am I tuff?" I repeated, "Soda said I was, but I think he was just being nice. Do you think I'm a _real_ greaser?"

Dally was silent for a moment, as if thinking of the right thing to say, then he responded, "Yes, you're tuff. Not in the way most greasers are tuff, though. You're still young and good. Most of those hoods who call themselves 'tuff' don't know what they're sayin'. You and Johnny and Soda - you guys are tuff. Now, don't go trying to be all cool and rough like me and Shepard. You're better than that. That's all we are - JD's and hoods. You guys are the good kind of greaser. Noble."

He continued, "So, to answer your question, yes, you're tuff. As for being a greaser... sort of. Not in the way you think. You're a greaser, but you won't be one forever."

He grinned. "How'd you like that for an answer? I can be wise when I want to."

I could only say, "Thanks, Dal. I never thought of it that way. I appreciate it."

Dallas clapped me on the back, and said, "Get to bed, kid. You need to sleep, and Sodapop needs you. I'm gonna crash here, if you don't mind." He put out his cigarette.

"Sure, Dal. 'Night."

"Sleep tight, kid."

I walked to my room in a daze. Did Dallas really just say all of that? It wasn't like him to be all sentimental. But I grinned despite myself. Soda was telling the truth - I _am_ tuff. I am a greaser. For now.

I got under the blankets with Sodapop, grinning from ear to ear.

xxxxxxxx

**Please review and tell me what you think! I'll update again soon :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry it took so long for an update! I'll be quicker next time, I promise :)**

**I got some reviews from you guys saying that you wanted more emphasis on the medical aspects of Sodapop's lymphoma. I will happily oblige and throw in some of that - but I'll still focus mostly on the emotional aspects. I hope you like it, and don't be shy! I love opinions!**

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

**Pony's POV**

_Two weeks later~_

Sodapop got worse. He's got his fourth round of chemo in a few days. I couldn't stand to see him deteriorate like that - it scared the heck out of me, and I wished things would just go back to normal. Hopefully, when he was done with treatment, he'd go into remission, and we could forget about all this. But I knew that wouldn't happen. None of us will ever forget this, and one question will be nagging us for the rest of our lives - what if it comes back? What if he relapses? I felt so helpless.

It seemed like his chemotherapy treatments were making him _worse_, not better! I mean, he was pretty bad before he was diagnosed, but now he's just so _ill_.

After his third treatment, he started getting more side effects. Diarrhea was one of them. The vomiting persisted, and he lost his sense of taste. He was a bit crabby, because the mouth ulcers he got were so painful. They even got infected. We had to take him to the doctor a few times to get painkillers and medication to get rid of the infection. He lost the need to eat.

"Why should I bother? It's such a pain, and everything tastes like metal!" Soda cried during a particularly bad day, "And it's not gonna stay in my stomach either way!"

Darry and I started to give up on pestering him to eat. He still ate almost every day, but only a little bit to keep him from starving. I wanted to tie him down and force him to eat, but I knew that wouldn't help him.

Soda stayed in bed most of the time, only getting up to use the bathroom or lay down on the couch to see Steve and the boys. Everyone could see how bad he was getting, even though most of the time Sodapop tried to brush it off and insist he was getting better. Most days, he was still the happy Soda we all knew, even though he was weak and tired. But during the first few days after a treatment, he was as sad as some of those patients we saw. He still didn't complain, though. I gave him props for that.

I would've been whining and annoying every chance I could. That's what made me and Soda different. He tried to make things easier for us - I wished he would focus on himself more.

Normally, his chocolate-brown eyes were wide and lively, but lately, they seemed duller - he was still _Sodapop_, don't get me wrong, but more of a toned down, mellow version. All this really changed him, and I hoped and prayed every day that he wouldn't stay like that forever. I missed the old days, how every morning, Sodapop would jump on me and say, "Wake up, Ponyboy!" in that happy-go-lucky voice of his. I missed that. I missed a lot of things these days.

See what I mean? Here I go, complaining again. And I'm not even sick! Ugh. Soda needs someone who'll stop feeling sorry for himself.

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**Darry's POV**

"So, what're we gonna do today?" Soda asked sarcastically one morning, smiling, "Go to a drag race? Have a drinkin' party at Buck's and get wasted? Oooh, how 'bout a rough game of football with the boys?"

"Nice try, buddy," I laughed, "You ain't doing nothin' today. I swear, if you even _tried_ to go drinkin' I'd kick your ass - unless you fell asleep on the floor before I could!"

"Dar, I feel like Superman today." He ignored my worried glance as he said jokingly, "I could run down the street and walk all the way back - on my hands! I'm serious, Darry! Don't ya believe me, Ponyboy?"

"Mmm-hmm." Pony mumbled, scarfing down his breakfast.

"Can you even taste those eggs, Pony? Be careful, 'cause they might get up and run away if you eat any slower!" I teased. Pony winked at me and continued eating.

We were all in a good mood that day. Maybe there was something in the chocolate cake - who knows? Two-Bit baked that particular cake. I'm never letting him near my oven again. The other day, I saw him pouring beer into the pot of soup I was cooking!

Anyway, Soda still _l__ooked_ terrible, but he _felt_ good - and, hey, that's all I can ask for. Even Ponyboy wasn't on the verge of tears, for once.

It was obvious that Soda was still in pain. You could tell by the way he winced when eating, or when he took a long time to do something mundane like standing or picking something up. But he tried to hide it, in the way that only Sodapop could. He would just smile or crack a joke to get our minds off it.

Several days ago, Soda came out of the shower with little patches of his hair gone. He didn't look too happy about that. It looked fine when he greased it back, though. But by yesterday, he was completely bald. He didn't take it as badly as I thought he would. He obviously didn't feel too hot, but he smiled and acted like nothing was wrong.

"Man," Pony had said, "And I thought _I_ had it rough when Johnny cut my hair," He ruffled his bleach blond hair. "You still look tuff, Soda."

Sodapop grinned at that.

For a little while - at least for today - everything seemed like it would be okay. Not perfect, but better.

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**Soda's POV**

"Hey, Ponyboy?" I asked hesitantly. We were having dinner with everyone, just having a good time, when I had an idea.

"Yeah?"

"I was wonderin'," I said slowly, "Ya'll know how you and Johnny always go to movies?"

Ponyboy stopped eating and looked at me, his eyebrows raised. "What're you getting at, Soda? Just spit it out." Everyone, even Dallas, was watching us now. It wasn't typical of me to ask about movies, so it must've been interesting.

"Well, I know I'm not usually movie-watching material," I said carefully, smirking when everyone nodded in agreement, "_But_, since I ain't got any energy these days, maybe... maybe I'd be able to watch one without having to get up every five minutes."

Pony just stared at me, urging me to go on.

"And it's just so damn _boring_ sitting here every day, doing nothing! I mean, the only place I'm at besides here is the hospital. I need a change of scenery." I continued, "Anyways, do you think we could go see a movie tomorrow? I know, you don't like going to the movie house with me, but I just need to _go somewhere_. You dig?"

Ponyboy smiled. "Sodapop, just say the word, and I'll do anything for you. You should know that. I'd love to see a movie with you!"

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Pony."

Johnny spoke up, "I'll go too, man." I smiled at him.

"Anyone else wanna come?" Pony asked the boys.

They all shook their heads, mumbling things like, "Movies aren't my thing" and, "I'm busy" and, "Mickey Mouse isn't playing."

"You're sure missing out, guys," Pony chimed, grinning. He looked at me happily. "I'm glad you want to come. You're gonna love it!"

I was afraid Pony would say,_ "You can't sit still, man! And you wouldn't appreciate the movie!"_

I sure was glad he didn't say that. I smiled.

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**There you go! Look forward to a movie scene in the next chapter :) Don't forget to review! If you want more or less of a character, or someone's POV, or if you have any suggestions, I'll happily try my best to include it!**

**I love you guys!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey there readers! ****I really appreciate all your reviews. Some of your comments put a huge grin on my face!**

**I got some reviews saying they preferred scenes with Two-Bit and Steve, and some enjoyed the brotherly scenes, with Darry or Pony. To appease all of you, I'll try to balance it out as much as I can, to make you all happy :)**

**I figured I'd start by adding Steve and Two-Bit to the movie scene. I thought of it last night, and I figured it would be interesting, to say the least. Here you go!**

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

**Soda's POV**

_Oh boy, _I thought, _this'll be interesting._

As Pony, Johnny, and I were about to leave to see a movie, Steve and Two-Bit thought it was a great idea to tag along. It wasn't like them to want to see a movie - heck, it wasn't like _me_ to want to see one.

"What're you two up to?" I asked suspiciously as they followed us out of the house.

"Oh, nothin'," Two-Bit drawled, smirking. He was obviously a bit drunk. Or maybe he wasn't. It was hard to tell.

"We just wanted to tag along with our best buddies," Steve said, putting an arm around me.

"Whatever you say," I said.

As we walked, Pony asked Steve for a cigarette. As he lit it, I stopped and remembered something that had been nagging me for a while.

"Hey, Pony?"

"Yeah Pepsi?"

"It's not just you," I started, "But I just don't get why ya'll are smokin' so much. I mean, you guys are gonna make yourselves sick!"

They all just stared at me like I was crazy.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't want you guys to get sick and go through this. Trust me, it ain't fun." I said, looking down.

Pony's eyes widened as he realized what I meant. He immediately dropped his cigarette and stomped on it. Steve did the same. Johnny nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Two-Bit replied, "I can still have beer, can't I?"

Steve grinned. "'Course you can, Bit."

Two-Bit smiled, sighing in relief.

"You're right, Soda," Steve said. "We should all try to cut down on our smokes. Even you, Weed-Fiend." He mussed Pony's hair, laughing.

"Thanks, guys. I appreciate it." I said.

"We'd do anything for you, Soda." Johnny replied, smiling encouragingly.

I started walking again, a huge smile on my face.

When we reached the movie house, Pony and Johnny got tickets for some movie. I couldn't have cared less what it was about - I just was ecstatic to be out of that stinking house.

We got our seats, Two-Bit plopping down next to me.

"So, are you excited for tonight?" Two-Bit asked, grinning.

"Huh?" I asked.

Steve reached over and smacked Two-Bit. "Shut it, Two." He smiled at me. "Soda, he doesn't know what he's saying. It's the beer talkin'."

"Isn't it always the beer that's talkin'?" Johnny asked.

"Well, yeah." Steve said quickly. Two-Bit glared at him.

I shook my head, smiling. "Ya'll are crazy."

It was a bad idea to let Two-Bit tag along. He laughed at parts of the movie that weren't even funny, and at one point he started chucking popcorn at the woman in front of us.

"Watch it, jackass!" The woman snarled coldly.

"Hey, you're kinda pretty." Two-Bit said, wiggling his eyebrows at her. "You wanna go get some drinks after this?"

She glared at him and turned around.

"Jeez, did it get cold in here?" Two-Bit asked sarcastically, laughing.

"Shut it, Keith." Steve whispered angrily. Two-Bit gasped at the sound of his real name as Steve said, "Some of us are tryin' to watch the movie."

I stared at him. Steve? Watching a movie? What in God's name? They were both acting kind of strange.

Meanwhile, Pony and Johnny were ignoring us, intently watching the screen. I never realized how interesting a movie could be, when Two-Bit wasn't running his mouth.

Normally, I would've been itching to get out, because sitting still for a while isn't my thing. But it was nice, watching the story unfold. I understood why Ponyboy loved movies so much.

It was like getting lost in another world. I needed that.

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**Two-Bit's POV**

_Man,_ I thought, _Soda's gonna love us for this!_

"Hey, Pony and Johnny, you can run along home now," Steve said, winking at me.

"Why?" Pony asked.

"Because I said so!" Steve said, trying to hide his smile. "Besides, this ain't for kids." Steve and Pony were getting along better these days, but sometimes, Steve still treated Pony like a little kid.

I tried to be nicer. "Darry wouldn't like it if you stayed out so late. He'd skin you _and_ us. We're only goin' into town, you're not missin' anything."

"Alright, let's go, Pony." Johnny said, taking Ponyboy's arm. "See ya'll later."

The two headed down the block towards home, and I noticed Sodapop's confused expression. I grinned at him.

"Okay, Sodapop, we're gonna have some fun tonight." I said.

His eyes widened. "What? No, I can't. I should get home. It's almost dark out. Plus, Darry'll get worried-"

"Don't worry, we're not gonna make you drink or nothin'," Steve explained, "See, we picked up some girls the other night - three pretty ones - and we said we'd meet them again tonight with our other friend. That would be you." He said, pointing at Soda. "Whaddaya think?"

Soda looked uncertain as he responded, "Well, as long as we're not drinkin' or staying out late, I guess it couldn't hurt." He wasn't as enthusiastic as I hoped he would be.

"Let's go, then!" I shouted.

"Woohoo!" Steve said.

We told the girls that we'd meet them at a little diner on our side of town. It was a small, quiet little place that wasn't too popular with most greasers. But we figured that'd be perfect - a noisy bar with fights and crowds wouldn't be good for Sodapop.

"Hey, uh, how come we're doin' this?" Soda asked.

"Because, Pop, you haven't had any fun in a while!" I said, "You're gonna love these girls." He nodded.

Man, was I glad to be out of that movie! It was so _boring_. I had more fun bothering that broad in front of us. She was awfully angry - kind of like that Cherry girl from the drive-in that one night. I shuddered as I remembered how that night played out. I wished I had told Pony to go home instead of going to the lot. None of that would've happened. Heck, maybe Soda wouldn't have gotten sick. Sometimes I blamed myself for all this.

I shook myself out of my thoughts as we entered the diner. Sitting at a booth in the corner were three girls that were all seventeen. I sat next to the blonde one, Patty, and Steve sat next to his girl, a brunette named Claudia.

"Sodapop, this is Audrey. Audrey, this is Sodapop." Steve said.

Hopefully Soda would have fun. He deserved it.

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**Soda's POV**

I was grateful that Steve and Two-Bit wanted me to have fun, but I couldn't help but worry. What if we stayed too late? What if I threw up all over that girl? I tried to lighten up and enjoy the night, but it wasn't easy.

Audrey was really pretty. She had red hair and caramel-colored eyes. She was nice, too. When Steve and Two-Bit introduced me to her, she smiled sweetly and patted the seat next to her. I smiled back and adjusted the baseball cap on my head.

"Hi there, Sodapop." She said, scooting close to me. Normally, I would've flirted back, but I just wasn't in the mood.

"Hi." I said, trying to look interested.

"Anyone want a beer?" Patty asked.

"I'll have one over here, m'lady," Two-Bit said, kissing Patty on the cheek and giggled.

"Me and Claudia'll have one, too." Steve shot me an apologetic look, and I shook my head, smiling to show I didn't mind. I wasn't going to keep Steve from having fun.

Audrey looked at me. "You want somethin'? I'm having one."

I responded, "No thanks, I can't. I've got chemo in a few days."

Her eyes widened as realization dawned on her. I watched her stare at my pale skin and the dark circles under my eyes. She started to say, "Oh, golly, I'm so sorry -" But I cut her off.

"Don't worry about it." I smiled.

"You- you're gonna be okay, right?" She asked worriedly.

"I sure hope so."

She took my hand and squeezed it gently. "I really am sorry."

"Thanks." I said, looking at the table. I forgot that everyone was watching us.

As the night went on, I didn't enjoy myself that much. It was nice to be with Steve and Two-Bit, but that girl Audrey was too... I don't even know what to call it. After that little scene, she said she didn't want a beer and then smiled at me, her eyes sparkling. I laughed nervously, forcing myself to smile back.

I kind of wished she didn't know I was sick. Maybe she would've treated me differently. She kept staring at me with pity in her eyes. I was probably just some pathetic little puppy-dog to her. I didn't like that.

And with all that, I wasn't feeling too good. It was really hot in that diner, even though everyone else was freezing. I felt sweat on the back of my neck.

Steve and Two-Bit were having fun, and so were their girls. They kept glancing at me from time to time, giving me apologetic smiles. I wondered if they knew I wasn't happy.

Audrey was getting annoying. She tried to start conversations, mostly about my cancer, and I would mumble something and then play with my untouched glass of water with the straw. She also kept asking if I was okay, or if I needed more water, or if the booth was comfortable enough.

I appreciated the fact that she cared, but I was sick of people feeling sorry for me.

It started to get dark out, and I was antsy to leave. Audrey asked for the millionth time if I needed anything, and I snapped at her, "I'm fine, okay? I ain't some little baby that needs takin' care of every goddamn minute!"

I stood up, avoiding Steve and Two-Bit's stares. I said to Audrey, "You're really nice and all, but I don't want your pity. I want to be treated like a normal person for just _ONCE_!"

She looked shocked and hurt, her wide eyes looking at me. "I was just trying to help -"

"I don't need your help!" I shouted. "I just -"

Steve interjected, "Hey, Sodapop, are you aright?"

The room started to get fuzzy, and everything was upside-down. My head felt light, and I got scared. "Stevie, I don't feel so hot..."

I felt myself falling as everything went black.

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**There you have it! Once again, if you have an opinion, please feel free to say it! This story is for your enjoyment, so tell me what you like and dislike! I don't know what you guys want unless you review, so go and comment!**

**You're all amazing, even if you don't like this story. I appreciate that you took the time to read it :)**

**I'll update soon!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much for your reviews! I'm trying my best to update as often as possible, but something always comes up! Forgive me if it takes a few days, but I'll try not to disappoint you.**

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

**Steve's POV**

_This is all my fault._

_This is all my fault._

_This is all my fault._

I punched the wall over and over, but it didn't help. God, I was so stupid. Soda passed out, and it was all my fault.

I bit my fist and yelled as loud as I could. That didn't help, either. I leaned my head against the cool brick wall, trying to pull it together.

I was standing outside the hospital, watching people pass by with worried and annoyed looks on their faces. I didn't care. Darry was gonna kill me. I didn't deserve to be Soda's friend - I was only hurting him more.

I couldn't stand watching him go in there on that stretcher. I rode with him in the ambulance, holding his hand, wanting to scream and slap myself and cry. But when they brought him into the hospital, I didn't go with him. I couldn't.

Darry arrived moments after I got there, and didn't even notice me. I don't blame him.

I remembered the moment he passed out, and I shuddered. The whole night, I noticed he wasn't happy. I should have done something about it. Instead I just brushed it off and assumed he would enjoy himself eventually. I should have left there with him long before he passed out. Maybe the outcome would be different. Maybe Sodapop would be asleep in his bed, rather than laying in a hospital room, surrounded by doctors and nurses.

When he stood up, yelling at Audrey, his face blanched. Beads of sweat gathered on his face as his eyes rolled back into his head. I should have been faster to catch him, made sure he didn't hit his head on the way down. But I didn't. And I hated myself for it.

I was frozen for a moment as he fell. I couldn't move, couldn't think. I could only watch as his head slammed his head into the table, slumping to the floor. Two-Bit was the first to act, lifting him off the floor. Blood ran from his nose, and his body was limp. I could only watch.

When the ambulance came - I don't know who called it - I went in with him. Two-Bit said he'd meet us at the hospital.

Sodapop came to while we were in the ambulance, and I asked if he was going to be okay. They said they didn't know. I was silent for the rest of the ride, staring at Sodapop, willing him to be okay.

I should have acted on the spot, helped him get to the ambulance, stayed with him in the hospital. I didn't do any of that.

I lifted my head off the wall, wiped my bloodshot eyes, and ran. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I needed to go somewhere.

Typical Steve. Running away when things got rough. I couldn't help it - I needed to get away. Soda didn't need me.

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**Darry's POV**

I stood up and wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans as the doctor walked in. My heart dropped when I saw his solemn expression. Two-Bit didn't move from his seat, keeping his head in his hands.

"Hello, Darrel." Dr. Jaymes said, shaking my hand.

"Is he gonna be okay?" I asked quietly, not wanting to hear the answer.

"I have good news and bad news." He said, staring at the floor. He needed to work on his people skills.

"Just say it," I said, sitting back down next to Soda's bed. He was sleeping - his face was peaceful, and his chest rose and fell at a slow, steady pace.

"Well, Sodapop's fainting spell was minor. It was caused from low blood pressure and dizziness, both caused by his treatments. He didn't hurt his head on the way down."

I let out a sigh of relief, but there was still a huge weight on my shoulders. I took a deep breath and nodded at him to continue.

"It's actually a good thing that he had to come here. Of course, fainting is never good, but in this case, it helped him." Dr. Jaymes said, glancing wearily at Soda.

"Why is that?" I asked, my voice shaky and higher than usual.

"As a precaution, we took some blood tests." He paused for a moment then continued, "I'm sorry to say this, Darrel, but we found out that his lymphocytes haven't changed. They are still abnormal, and still growing and spreading."

"What does that mean?" I managed to say.

"It means that the chemotherapy isn't working. The cancer spread to his bloodstream and his brain. We didn't realize how aggressive his case was until it was too late. Our medical advancements still aren't always accurate. I'm so sorry."

In that moment, my heart stopped for what seemed like hours, but it was only a second. I just stared at him. My mind whirled, and I couldn't concentrate on one thing.

"Wh-what?" I squeaked.

"I really am sorry. We can arrange to have Sodapop taken into a hospice, if you think that's where he'd be the most comfortable."

"N-no. No. What? NO. Soda's gonna be fine. You must have made a mistake." I shook my head, running my hands nervously through my hair. Two-Bit was staring at the doctor now, his eyes wide with shock and pain.

"We've done all we can." Dr. Jaymes said, rubbing my shoulder. I pushed him away.

"No! You can't just give up on him like that! Y-you said that patients like him have a ninety-nine percent chance of survival. Ninety-nine percent!" I was shaking, and I couldn't stand anymore. I sat down, tears pouring down my face and onto my shirt.

"I'm so sorry. I -"

"Is that all you can say? _I'm sorry!?_ We have to keep trying! I'm not gonna just give up on my brother like that!" I drew in a shaky breath and tried to control myself. All the while, the doctor just watched me with tired eyes, his hands clasped together politely. I was more calm when I asked in a small voice, "How long does he have?"

He looked at me sadly as he replied, "A few months. A year at most." I let out a squeak, closing my eyes. Dr. Jaymes continued, "We've done all we can."

I nodded, letting it sink in. "Thank you for telling us. You can go now."

He walked out, not saying another word. I sunk to the ground, my pulling my knees to my chest. I don't know how long I stared at the floor, but by the time I stood up, my tears were all dried out.

I felt Two-Bit's hands on my back. "Man, I'm so sorry."

"I know. We have to be strong for Soda. Thank God he was asleep for all that." I said, shaking my head.

"How are we gonna tell him?"

"I don't know. I- I don't know." I stuttered, pulling Two-Bit into a tight hug. One of my favorite things about Two-Bit was his hugs. They were strong and warm. Like my dad.

A soft voice croaked behind me, "You don't have to worry about telling me."

"Oh, Soda," I said, sitting next to him on the bed. I grabbed his hand and held it in both of mine. "Did you just wake up?" _Please say yes._ I didn't want him to hear the news like that.

"No, I woke up when the doctor came in." He smiled sadly. "I was just pretending to be asleep."

"So you heard everything?"

"Yep."

I was quiet for a moment. Finally I said, "You're gonna be okay, Pepsi-Cola. Don't listen to the doctor. You're gonna get better."

He looked at me pitifully. "Don't be stupid, Darry. You and I both know I'm not gonna make it."

"Don't you dare say that," I warned. "I will do _anything_ to keep you alive. I'm not ready to lose another member of my family."

"It's okay, Dar. You and Pony, you're gonna be fine without me." He said encouragingly.

"No! I'll never be okay. I- I can't lose you, Sodapop!" I said.

His eyelids drooped. "Can we talk about this later? I'm kinda sleepy."

I kissed his hand. "Sure. Go to sleep. I'll be here."

He closed his eyes, and his breathing slowed.

I gently dropped his hand, turning to Two-Bit. "What am I gonna do?"

"I don't know, Dar." He said sadly. "We'll get through it. We always do."

I nodded, sighing. "You're right."

"Hey, where do you think Steve went?"

"I dunno, but I'm sure glad he wasn't here when we found out. He's probably messed up already." I said.

"I know how he feels," said Two-Bit, "I blame myself for all this."

I was mad at them for taking Soda out to see those girls, but I knew it wasn't their fault that this happened. He would've passed out anyway. No one could have prevented it. "It's too late to have regrets," I said. "We just have to make the most of this."

"I can't believe this is happening." he said. "I wish there was something we could do to make him better. If there's someone that deserves to die, it ain't Sodapop Curtis."

"I know. None of this is fair."

"How come Pony isn't here?" Two-Bit asked.

"He was sleeping when I got the call, and I didn't want to scare him. I'll take Soda home tomorrow, and I'll tell him then."

"I'll go too, if you want. For support."

"Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it. I'm glad you're here." I said, managing a smile. He smiled back.

We sat in silence for a while, just watching Soda. It felt like I should be counting Sodapop's breaths, because there are only so many left. I should cherish them, every single one.

Oh Lord. Soda was really sick. Sodapop Curtis, the sweetest man I've ever known, was going to die.

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**Dally's POV**

I was walking down the street from Buck's when I realized I was near the hospital. Maybe Soda was there today. I didn't know his schedule for chemo or anything, but it seemed like he was there often enough.

I headed into the front entrance, receiving a few glares and weary glances from Socs as I headed to the front desk.

"Is Sodapop Curtis here?" I asked the scrub-clad woman.

"Yep. Seventh floor, room C." I nodded and headed up to his room.

I pushed open the door, and saw Darry and Two-Bit sitting beside Soda's bed. I still couldn't get over how sick-looking that kid was. He looked sicker than usual, and Darry looked more worried than usual.

"Hey, man, what'd I miss?" I said, plopping down next to Darry.

He looked at me with teary eyes, his bottom lip quivering. "Soda's not doing too good."

"So? They'll just give him some of their magic pills and he'll be good as new, right?" I asked. Two-Bit gave me a look that meant _'This ain't a joke.'_

He shook his head. "I wish," He said wistfully, "It's not like that." He explained everything, up to the part where Soda was dying.

My stomach sank. "Oh." I was afraid to hear the answer when I asked, "How long?"

"A year at most." Darry said quietly.

I put my head in my hands, shaking my head. "Man, why does it have to be him?"

"I've been thinkin' the same thing, Dal." Two-Bit said sadly.

At that moment, I wished I could switch places with Sodapop. I wanted to take this burden off him. He didn't do anything to deserve this death sentence. I did. I'd done too much bad stuff in my life to be able to sit here and watch Sodapop die. I felt tears well up in my eyes, but I shook myself out of it. I don't cry.

"Where's Steve? I thought he'd be here for this." I said.

Darry and Two-Bit exchanged glances, then Darry said, "We don't know. He probably needed some time alone. He doesn't even know Soda's days are numbered."

"God almighty," I sighed, "This isn't happening." Darry wiped his eyes, and Two-Bit looked at Sodapop sadly.

I couldn't stand being there anymore, so I gave Soda's hand a squeeze, and told the guys I'd see them tomorrow.

I went outside, screamed at the top of my lungs, and headed back to Buck's for a drink.

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**Chapter 8, there you go! This story's gonna be a tear-jerker, just a warning. I teared up while writing this. It's probably the most emotional chapter so far.**

**Once again, let me know what you want me to put in, and I'll do it! I hope you like where the story is going, so tell me what you think!**

**Love you guys! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, so I know you guys don't like the idea of Soda dying. I'm not sure how I feel about it, either. The thing is, I don't outline my story. I just sit down and write each chapter from scratch. All these chapters are first drafts, and I just write whatever comes to me. To be honest, I don't even know whether Soda will live or not. I just wing it. I actually think it makes for a better story when you don't over-think it. It's more heartfelt when it just comes to you. I dunno, that's just how I do it.**

**I guess what I'm trying to say is, I always take your opinions into consideration, but if it doesn't feel _right_, then I just won't be into it, and it won't be from the heart. I hope you don't mind, but that's my method. Most of you enjoy my story, so my method seems to be working, eh? :)**

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

**Soda's POV**

It's been a few days since I got the news. Surprisingly, I think I'm the only one that's handling it well. Everyone is freaking out, and I'm... at peace with it.

One of the hardest things was telling Ponyboy. I mean, he was upset when I got diagnosed, but when we told him I was really dying, he looked broken. We sat him down the morning after I got home, and told him everything.

At first, he was pale as a sheet, and stiller than a picture. He looked like he was going to pass out. His eyes darted back and forth, from me to Darry. It seemed like he wasn't even breathing. He closed his eyes, his body still unmoving. I was afraid he'd fainted. It was like he'd gone unconscious while still sitting up.

"...You okay, Pony?" I asked hesitantly. He gulped and nodded. Thank God he was still conscious.

The moment he opened his mouth to speak, he burst into tears.

It was like someone cracked open the Hoover Dam. His face was flushed, his eyes puffy. He was literally shaking from crying so hard. He was sobbing so hysterically, I thought he was having a fit. The only thing I could do was scoot closer and put his head on my shoulder, waiting for him to calm down.

It took a while, but he was eventually able to choke out a few words. "Is th-this some kind of a c-cruel j-joke?" He sobbed.

"Ponyboy, we'd never joke about this." Darry said, his eyes tied and weary. "I'm so sorry, buddy."

"Y-you can't die, Soda," Ponyboy stared at me, wiping his eyes and taking a deep, shaky breath. "We have to try something. Anything. There's got to be_ something_ that can help!"

"They did all they could. It's okay, Pony." I reassured him, patting his back. I pressed my face into his hair, saying, "You guys'll get through this."

"No we won't!" He cried. "If someone died, we'd only get through it if _you_ were there! We can't go on without you!"

"Yes you can," I said. "You have to."

"We can't!" His voice cracked. "We just... can't."

I turned his face so I was staring right at him. "Ponyboy. You. Will. Be. Fine." I spoke the words slowly and clearly. "Okay?"

He shook his head, saying, "I'm being stupid, I know." I tried to interrupt him, but he continued, "How else was I supposed to react to this? You know I'm not good at takin' bad news!" He started crying again.

I didn't respond, since no words would comfort him. Sometimes, to comfort someone, you just needed to be there with them, to hold them. I only learned that recently.

A while later, Johnny came in. He noticed Pony's red eyes and wet cheeks, and immediately knew something was wrong. We explained everything, and he reacted better than Ponyboy.

"Oh God," He said, sitting down next to me. "Man, I'm so sorry. If you ever need anything, I'm here-" His voice broke at the end of the sentence, and I could tell he was fighting off tears. He sniffled and chewed his lip, blinking rapidly.

"Thanks, Johnny. You're a good kid," I said, pulling him into a hug.

"Where's Steve been?" Pony asked. He had calmed down quite a bit. "I haven't seen him since yesterday, before..." His voice trailed off, and we all knew what he meant.

"He ran off." I said. "He just needs time." I shook my head. "Poor guy doesn't even know yet."

I was afraid Steve wouldn't take it well. I mean, he ran off when I passed out, so who knows what he'd do when we told him this! My stomach twisted, and I prayed silently that he wouldn't run off again. I knew he needed space, but I _really_ need him now.

That afternoon, Dally came over. He said it was to check on me. The whole time, his jaw was clenched, and I could have sworn his eyes looked watery. It must've been allergies, though, because Dally didn't cry for anyone.

Two-Bit joined us for dinner, along with Johnny and Dallas, and for once, he wasn't cracking jokes or drinking. He was very solemn and comforting, two traits that I'd seen in him a lot the past few weeks. Everyone was... solemn.

Finally it was getting on my nerves. When I finished eating, I stood up - which wasn't easy - and said, "Guys, this is getting ridiculous."

They all stared at me, their expressions ranging from pity, to sorrow, to biting off tears.

"I know I'm dying. I wasn't born five minutes ago." I said, watching them carefully. "But you guys can't be like this! I understand, you just found out your friend is dying. It's okay to be sad for now. But eventually, you've got to get over it. I don't want to spend my last months surrounded by sad people!"

"And the thing is, I'm not even sad! I just want to spend this time having fun, and enjoying life! So please, please, please, just be happy?"

Darry nodded. "It is kinda strange, how we're all bawling while you're happy as a horse."

For some reason, I found that hilarious. Laughter bubbled up in my chest, and suddenly I was laughing so hard I started tearing up. I couldn't stop it - hysteria rose up inside me.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed so hard. Probably weeks.

Everyone glanced at me worriedly, not sure what to do. Then, Johnny started giggling. It was quiet at first, then got louder and more hysterical. One by one, they all started cracking up, and even Dally was clutching his side from laughing so hard.

It must have been a strange sight - six teenage boys having hysterics in the middle of dinner.

Once I could speak again, I breathed heavily, "You see? _This_ is how I want it to be. It's okay to be sad sometimes, but I want you guys to treat me like a regular ol' guy."

They all nodded, grinning.

Even though I was about to die, I was content with my life right at that moment. I was with my family and friends - well, most of them - and we were all happy, despite the black cloud hanging over us.

It was good to laugh sometimes.

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**Sorry this was a short chapter, the next one will be longer!**

**You know the routine - if you've got an opinion or suggestion, then review. I always take them into consideration, so don't be shy!**

**I love you :) you're all wonderful!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello there! Once again, thanks so much for the reviews! I really appreciate you taking the time to give your opinion :)**

**Sorry I haven't updated - I've actually started writing a novel. Crazy, huh? I'm doing it just for fun, since I'm only fourteen. I've written numerous short stories, but I've never finished a whole book. And besides, as you know, the more I write, the more I improve. So what the heck, I'll go for it :) But who knows? I mean, SE Hinton created one of the greatest stories EVER when she was 15/16!**

**I'm babbling now. Sorry about that. On to the story!**

**I don't own the Outsiders.**

**Steve's POV**

"Thanks," I said gratefully to the man in the driver's seat. "I really appreciate it."

He grinned toothlessly and tipped his hat, saying, "No problem, kid. Sorry about yer friend." I nodded, hopping out of the rusty blue pickup. I stood in front of the Curtis's house, taking deep breaths to calm myself. _Be brave, Steve._

It's been a few days since it happened. I had ran to the other side of town and slept in vacant lots. That's basically all I did - sleep and hate myself. That's it.

But this morning, I knew I was being a coward. Soda was going to be fine. He wouldn't be mad at me for taking him to see those girls. I decided to come home and face it. I couldn't just run away every time this happens. So I hitched a ride from that guy and vented everything to him. Turns out he was a pretty good listener.

But _I'm_ mad at myself. I was being eaten alive with guilt, ripped apart from the inside out. I was a mess. I was dirty, exhausted, and kind of hungry. I barely ate anything, since my stomach felt like a ball of nerves being tossed around like a football. It wasn't until I was in the pickup that I realized how starving I was.

Despite my urge to go into Sodapop's house, something kept me back. I couldn't muster up the courage to face it. Plus, my legs felt like lead, welded to the pavement.

_Quit being a coward, _I told myself, _Just go in and apologize. He'll understand. He's fine._

Another part of me told myself to run away again, because Soda didn't need me.

These conflicting parts of my mind fought until I forced myself to walk to the door.

_Deep breaths_. _It's gonna be fine._ I pushed open the door, and poked my head in. "Anyone home?" I asked shakily.

"Steve!" Soda said happily from the couch. "Welcome back, buddy!"

_Thank Jesus almighty._ He was okay.

I practically sprinted to the old sofa. "Sodapop, I'm so sor-"

He cut me off, pulling me into a hug. "Aw, shut up, man. I know what you're gonna say, so I'm just gonna go ahead and forgive you. Alright? You don't need to say nothin'. I understand."

I smiled as I bit back tears. I couldn't speak since it felt like there was a lump in my throat, so I just pressed my face into his shoulder. It took everything I had not to burst into tears.

"Stevie!" Darry said as he entered the room. He clapped me on the shoulder. "Good to see you, kid."

I just smiled at him. It was all I could do.

Darry sat on the couch with us. He gave Soda a wary glance, then looked me in the eye. "Steve, there's something we gotta tell you." His expression worried me.

"What?" I asked, not wanting to know the answer.

He looked at me sadly and said, "Soda's not doing too good."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I choke out. My breath hitches in my throat. _Please don't say what I think you're gonna say._

"It means that his chemo isn't working. It's getting worse." He said solemnly.

"But there's other kinds of treatment though, right? Right?" I asked frantically. I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants and clenched them to hide the shaking.

"I'm sorry. He's dying." As he said this, he chewed his lip. His eyes looked watery.

Despite Darry's words, Sodapop's expression was placid.

I tried to speak, but no words came out. I just sat there with my mouth open, trying to remember to breath.

"He's got a year at most." Darry said, shaking his head. "I don't know what we're gonna do."

I couldn't prevent the tears. They streamed down my cheeks, but I barely noticed. Everything was blurry, and every second seemed like a million years.

I could only lean on Soda and clutch his shirt, soaking his shirt with salty tears.

"It's gonna be okay, Stevie." Sodapop whispered, rubbing soothing circles in my back.

No.

No.

_No._

It was not going to be okay.

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**Soda's POV**

Seeing Steve like that made me cry. We sat there for an hour, crying silent tears. It was the first time I cried since I found out I was dying. I finally broke.

I didn't expect his reaction. I expected him to yell, and scream, and deny what was happening. I expected him to leave again. I was ready for that. But _this._ This I wasn't ready for. I didn't expect this, and it made me cry.

Steve didn't like to cry. Honestly, I'd never seen him cry _ever_, up until I got sick. It seemed like he was crying a lot lately. But this time, he couldn't speak, and that terrified me. I was ready for yelling. This silence isn't Steve.

Darry got up and left soon after we started crying. I could tell he was trying to fight off tears. Thank God Ponyboy was with Johnny, because he'd be bawling, too.

Eventually I couldn't cry anymore, and I slowly pulled Steve off my shoulder. "Stevie?" I asked, my voice thick from bawling.

"Hmm?" He mumbled, wiping his eyes.

"You alright now?"

He looked at me, his dark eyes sadder than ever. "I'll never be alright, Soda. But I'm doin' better."

"But you _will_ be alright. Eventually, you'll all move on. It doesn't seem like that right now, but it'll happen." I said.

"How?" He asked. "How the hell will I ever move on?"

I took a deep breath before answering, "I don't know. That's for you to figure out. But you'll be okay, I promise."

He didn't respond; he probably wasn't in the mood for arguing. Neither was I, for that matter.

"Look," I said, "How about we just pretend none of this happened? I don't want to spend my last months bein' a wuss. Let's make the best of it."

He tried to smile. "I guess you're right. I've done enough wussin' and cryin' for a lifetime." He said, chuckling shakily.

"Exactly. So let's say this - I'm healthy, you're happy, and everything's gonna be swell. Ya dig?"

"Yup." He agreed reluctantly, and pulled me into a tight hug.

But deep down, I think we both knew that was ridiculous. It wasn't going to be swell.

We just needed that lie to keep our heads above the water.

xxxxxxx

**Darry's POV**

The next morning, Pony was at school and I had a day off, so it was just me and Soda. We sat at the table, drinking chocolate milk and coffee.

It's been hard, but I've been able to act normal for Soda. I've managed to keep the tears away for a few days now. Except for yesterday - I had to leave him and Steve so I could bawl in my room. But he didn't see that.

I've wanted to cry, scream, throw something, and punch that doctor in the face. But I have to act normal.

Sodapop broke me out of my thoughts. "Hey Darry?" He asked, finishing off his glass of chocolate milk.

"Yeah Pepsi?"

"I wanted to talk about... arrangements." He replied, his eyes staring at something across the room, avoiding my gaze.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know..." He paused, trying to find the right words. "_After_."

Oh. _Oh._ "You mean funeral arrangements?" I asked hesitantly.

"Well, not just that," He explained. "I want to write a will."

I shook my head, taking a big gulp of coffee. "Soda, you don't need to worry about that. We'll take care of it when we need to."

"But what if it's too late?" His voice got shaky. "What if... what if it happens earlier than expected? I want to just do it now, to get it done."

I sighed. "If that's what you want, then sure. Do you want me to help you?"

"No," he replied. "I can do it."

I smiled at him. "You're a strong kid, you know that?"

He grinned.

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**Soda's POV**

I sat down in my room with two sheets of paper in front of me. One for what I want my funeral to be like, and one for my will. For a while, I just stared blankly at the pages, trying to find the right words.

Then I got an idea. I pulled out a few more sheets of paper, enough for each member of the gang. I began writing a letter to each of my friends.

I sealed the letters in envelopes, and left the funeral paper on the desk to give to Darry. I stuffed the letters under my and Pony's mattress, so they'd find it eventually after I die.

I smiled.

When I wrote those letters, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was as though I had left a part of me within those papers, for each of them to have.

It would be my final gift to them.

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**As you know, don't be afraid to review and tell me your opinion, or advice, or if you want more/less of a character. I hope I've made it well known that I try my best to add in what you want.**

**Expect some Lindy interaction in one of the next chapters :p I sort of forgot about her. Haha. I think she'd be a good person for her to talk to, though. So would Johnnycake :D So expect both of them.**

**I love you guys!**


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